Taryn tries Keto

So yesterday was my birthday. I turned 29. I was going to write about it (and will, probably tomorrow) but I feel like a total POS because I spent the last few days off of Keto and I’m miserable!!!!!

It started with a trainer

A few months back, I decided to not only get a gym membership but to also get a personal trainer. After all, I was staring down being in two weddings six weeks of each other, a girl’s gotta look good. Anyway, my trainer (who I absolutely adore and miss terribly) made me switch my dietary habits and told me to try Keto. I’m not going to get into the specifics of Keto, but it’s basically a low carb, moderate protein, and high-fat diet. I was skeptical and annoyed about how expensive and mindful my shopping had become, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see how much of a difference it did for me mentally.

 

My brain with superpowers

The biggest change (well one of them) for me was my brain processing/mental state– whatever you want to call it. My ability to focus, power through mundane tasks, and just my overall emotional resilience went THROUGH THE ROOF! At my pique performance, I was going to the gym 5-6 times a week, eating a Keto diet, and just loving life. Like seriously, I HATE administrative/repetitive tasks, but I found myself not only being more productive, I didn’t mind as much. I could go on and on about how my diet also improved my gym recovery, etc, but for the sake of this post, I’ll stick with my brain. Anywho, fast forward to this past week. I decided to “treat” myself and ate all kinds of tasty and horrible food.

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Hello darkness, my old friend

When I ditch my Keto diet and eat crappy food, I AM SO MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED, it’s not even funny!!! You’re probably thinking, “Taryn, c’mon, it’s not the food.” Oh, but it is! When I eat poorly, I’m sluggish, foggy, cranky, and just downright depressed. Fortunately, I’m very cognizant of my mood and the causes of my changes in behavior. I am glad that I’ll be fine in a day or two, but man it is gnarly how food can really alter your mindset.

 

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You are what you eat

I’m not advocating that everyone go on Keto– it depends on a few factors. That said, the difference of cutting out sugar, bad carbs, and processed foods is astounding! Do I miss bread? Sure. BUT, I LOVE how I feel when I eat healthily and exercise on a regular basis. It’s worth cutting out the crappy stuff, hands down. Anyway, that’s the end of my dietary rant. I will be back to normal in a day or two.

How to Procrastinate Like a Rockstar

Step 1: Think of the task that you’re supposed to be doing

Step 2: Go to the local Starbucks with the intention of doing said task

Step 3: Order a highly caffeinated beverage that will render you incapable of doing anything productive

Step 4: Take a million of those nifty quizzes on buzzfeed

Step 5: Creep on all the hot middle aged men in Starbucks

Step 6: Text all your girlfriends about said buffet of hot middle aged men

Step 7: Play the Facebook version of Tetris and conquer all who are in your way

Step 8: Revisit said task and have a quick thoughtful moment on how to accomplish it

Step 9: Look at the Lollapolooza set list and contemplate if you will pony up the cash to go this year

Step 10: Think about carbs and how you want to stuff your face with a bowl of pasta

Step 11: Realize said task is not going to get done

Step 12: Creep on any potential hot dudes in Starbucks

Step 13: Look away when getting caught scamming on dudes

Step 14: Take an “artsy” photo of your stuff in Starbucks

Step 15: Post said photo on all social media sites

Step 16: Enjoy the outpour of likes said photo receives

Step 17: Contemplate becoming a photographer for 2 seconds

Step 18: Avoid thinking about what you’re supposed to be doing at all costs

Step 19: You realize that Starbucks may not be the best place to get stuff done

Step 20: Go home and figure out how you’re going to finish said task

 

 

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Said Artsy Photo