Taryn is free

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I had plans to post the final part to my “Creepy ass White dude” saga today, but I had an interesting change in relationship with a toxic family member and I wanted to rejoice in my newfound freedom. Out of respect to my parents, I won’t name the person, but I will talk about the relationship and how I allowed it to muddy the waters of my state of being for so long.

Undetected Virus

When you are asleep at the metaphorical wheel of your life, it’s easy for toxic people to infiltrate your mind, setting up a host of nasty Trojan horses to gain control over you. For years I allowed this person to prey on me because I was so oblivious to my own needs and rights as an individual. As such, I allowed this person to drain me of my resources— time, money, help, support, etc.— under the guise that they were family and that trumps everything. Well, if you’re family is consistently hurting you or making you feel like you’re the problem or that everything is your fault, RUN!

Subtle Infiltration

The problem with emotionally manipulative people is that they are subtle in how they get their hooks into you. Problematic behaviors don’t just manifest overnight, they take time. The person can make seemingly harmless comments to you or about you under the guise of “trying to help”. They’re good at twisting your words and putting you on the defensive to destabilize your emotional wellbeing. If this happens over a decent period of time and you’re not doing anything to establish boundaries, they will control you.

A Tricky Blind Spot

It’s funny, looking back, I really was out to lunch. I think one of the biggest reasons why I didn’t see it was that she’s family. You don’t expect your loved ones to use and abuse you. That and she leveraged children. This gets trickier when little ones are involved, so I was able to reconcile the shitty behavior for their well-being. Ironically, it was this relationship that helped me see how messed up Brett was. Once you’ve experienced “Bat Shit Crazy” it’s way easier and faster to spot. Interestingly enough, both of them suffered some form of abuse one way or another. I really believe that at one point they were victims. The funny thing is, there’s a very fine line between victim and aggressor, and if you don’t seek help or deal with your trauma, you’re likely to become the monster you once feared.

Aiding and Abetting

I’m not going to go into every detail about my relationship or interactions with this person because a) I’m lazy and it would take forever to recall details, and b) I’m at a point where I’m happy to move past stewing over the garbage encounters with that person. While I’ve set my own boundaries, my family is still entrenched and sweeps this person’s behavior under the rug. I’ll admit, the last encounter— the 4th of July— nearly got the best of me because of how fake everything was. There was a time where I felt like Candace from Phineas and Ferb (yes, I’m referencing a children’s cartoon). But, instead of trying to expose fun science projects, I was hellbent on proving that this person was indeed the root cause of a lot of problems. Needless to say, this tactic provided me with more anguish than solutions.

Since my parents are out of the country and I’m a nomad, we have to do family occasions at this person’s house. This means we all get together, pretending that they aren’t a manipulative narcissist. For the most part, I can hold my tongue as I generally focus my time and energy on all 7 of my niece and nephews. That said, I’ve come to the point where pretending like nothing is wrong and sitting on the grenades this person lobs in my direction, is over. If my parents want to continue in that cesspool of dysfunction, I can’t stop them, but I’ve served my time into that mental ward and I’m checking myself out. Now that I’ve had a week to think about things far away from the situation, I initially wanted to call this person out and distance myself. However due to their snooping ways, they did the heavy lifting for me.

 

Cat out of the bag

Yesterday, I was having a chat with my father— a thing we do several times a week— and we were catching up on things. He stays with that person in question, and how he does it is beyond me. Just to give you context, we talked for an hour and that person had come up, because of a gaslighting conversation they had with my Dad. I know this because of how my Dad was speaking about the situation. The words he was using to describe his actions had a negative and malicious vibe to them. I asked him why he was talking in that way because the one thing my father is not is negative or malicious. It turns out, these were the words the other person assigned to his behavior. This tactic is not unfamiliar and I was quick to shed light on what she was trying to do.

Toxic people will do anything to shift any type of blame onto their opponent. They assigned intent on your actions even if what you’re trying to do is benign or benevolent. They do this to make you feel insecure, thus depending more on them. This made me furious. It’s one thing to treat me like shit. But if you do that to either of my parents, we have an issue. So anyway, we talked about it and I gave anecdotal evidence to highlight her manipulative behavior. It wasn’t more than 8-10 minutes of our conversation, but it turns out to be the best thing to ever happen.

Breakup Email

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep I got an email titled “This Morning…”. I opened it and it started by the person admitting they were eavesdropping on the conversation with my dad and heard all of the names I called her. She then talks about how I trashed her family, and how I’m no longer welcome in her home. After reading it, I laughed out loud. First of all, I did not call her any names. Second, what I said was the truth, if she has a problem with that, she should definitely self-reflect.

To be honest, I’ve never felt more happier about being “broken up” with. The funny thing is I know she was trying to hurt me, but truthfully, she set me free! Thanks to her, I no longer have to play into her crazy mind games and manipulative tactics. I feel like the last year has prepped me to handle these types of situations with ease. I have to give God some blame because my relationship with Him has really impacted how I see myself, the world, and how I move around in it. I’ve come to learn how to control my mind, thoughts, and feelings. Balancing those things are so important and disciplining myself to do the work has been well worth the discomfort!

Free to do what I want

So in a nutshell, I’m free of the dysfunction and nonsense that once plagued me. Prior to this, I tended to take a long-suffering, obligation approach to certain family members. Not anymore. This experience —along with many others— has shown me how to remain calm in even the most turbulent of storms. I didn’t share this story to crap all over my family member. No, I still love her and hope she gets some help. I shared it to shed a light on dealing with toxic family members. So here are a few takeaways:

-Be present in your life, take care and value yourself

-Don’t take the blame for what manipulators do, this isn’t your fault

– You are not responsible for anyone but yourself

– How others perceive you is their problem not yours

– Don’t allow others to assign intent to your actions

– As long as you’re not hurting others, be yourself!

 

With my newfound freedom, I am writing more than ever before. My creative thoughts are buzzing and I could not be happier. The last thing I will share is an article— which you can find here —about manipulative people, how they work, how to spot their tactics, and what you can do to set boundaries. I was going to share it with the final “creeper” piece (I probably still will), but it’s just such an excellent read and does a wonderful job explaining the shit-show that is a manipulative person. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the reading! I’ll finish off the rest of the “creeper saga” next week. But before I got, I want to leave you with this little number to enjoy. Cheers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taryn digs deep

*WARNING: It’s about to get all Dr. Phil up in here.

I’ll be blunt, working through your feelings is annoying, tedious, frustrating, necessary, healing, and all of that stupid stuff. I get that it’s crucial because it helps you grow and mature as a person. But dangit, it’s hard.

Admittedly, I love/d being numb. It allows me to float through life and not feel. Avoiding things/feelings means that I don’t have to try or put any emotional “skin” in the game. To that end, my subconscious has been dealing with me in that even when I try to “go numb” it has this precarious way of forcing me to confront with what’s going on with me.

I’ll give you an example. My dad puts out daily devotionals of which I edit. I also help edit and format them into books. I don’t mind doing it, especially since what he has to offer is quite beneficial for readers. Today, as I was going through his latest manuscript, I couldn’t help but notice how he phrased the dedication section. Normally he lists my siblings and me chronologically. This time, he grouped it by kid and spouse. While this seems innocuous on its own, the salt in the wound stems from my Dad’s bias towards marriage and family.

I just finished a stint in Vegas visiting my family. It was a great time as I love seeing my family. My brother recently got re-married to a wonderful woman whom I also share a birthday with. I could not be happier for him, especially since she is a great person and her family is pretty awesome too. This new edition to my family has gotten my father to reignite his “marriage and family line” diatribe.

I will wholeheartedly vouch that in terms of parents, I hit the jackpot. I couldn’t ask for more supportive and loving parents. That said, my dad loves his family. So much so that every conversation usually has some lowkey marriage, partnership, and children slant. Seriously, the man does not shut up about the sanctity of marriage and child-rearing. Now, I don’t have a problem with either of the two. But, as of right now, I don’t want either. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know if I will ever want them.

So back to the dedication and my reaction to it. Thanks to my recent sobriety stint and leveling up in self-awareness, I realized why it bothered me. While my dad has always told me he loves me and he’s proud of my accomplishments, it’s no secret as to what he values the most– marriage and grandchildren. I’m 0 for 2 with no signs of changing the score anytime soon.

Even though I’m happy with my choices and am stoked about where I am headed, the Ego in me feels incredibly inadequate and pissed. So much so that I’ve been unconsciously avoiding my dad’s calls.

I mean, I’m kicking butt and taking names. I’m in a position where I can focus on my art, my craft. I have my autonomy and I know how to use it. Why isn’t that enough? Why does it feel like the only goals worth bragging about are getting married and popping out children? It wasn’t until I saw the dedication page that I figured out this was bugging me.

This isn’t my dad’s fault, it’s mine for internalizing this feedback. Admittedly I am quite guilty of putting people’s opinions above my own. I can’t change people’s perspectives or views. I can, however, change how I react to them. I’m learning how to accept my choices and be proud of them. I can’t live my life for others. While part of me wants to go back to living with my head in the sand, I can’t help but admit that I feel better chipping away stuff in my head.

So, that’s it for this post. It’s weird being this transparent, especially to myself, but I suppose I won’t get to where I need to go if I don’t dig deep. On a side note, I will be posting my first podcast episode this week. I didn’t realize how much time I’d need to learn GarageBand. That and I’m being a “precious perfectionist” about the quality. Anyway, stay tuned for an announcement this week!

Taryn sees red

I always try to have a positive/funny vibe when I write, but today I’m going to keep it real and try a little rage/humor.

 

 

Royally Pissed

 

 

Guys, I’m a rage monster today. 

I’m a cranky, annoyed, frustrated, grumpy Taryn right now. I’m seeing red and wanting to do something about it. I’m kick-a-bunny angry.  Trip-a-kid angry. Punch-an-old-person angry. Yeah, I’m a hot mess. The funny part? On the outside, I look like:

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But on the inside, I’m like this:

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WARNING: Actual sighting of Taryn. Beware

 

Here’s a quick rundown for my anger (in no particular order):

  • Bank of America and their shady savings account fees
  • Clients that aren’t on the same page internally and are giving contradictory feedback, wasting my time
  • Having to walk on eggshells because a person whom I’m stuck spending the next few days with changes her mood every nanosecond (technically this is my fault. I booked a hotel and then canceled. Idiot)
  • Las Vegas drivers
  • Feeling creatively stagnant (not for long!!!)

 

The Upside to Anger

There is a beauty to my rage-ness. Anger tells me that I’m feeling! As someone who typically struggles with identifying how I feel, this is a positive. I’m also able to identify why I’m angry. Anger also confirms why I left Vegas in the first place and why I have to keep going, in spite of being uncomfortable with entering unchartered territory. Anyway, I’m less angry now. I’d say I’m more in the range of ambivalent/annoyed with a side of hopeful. Who knew that writing was more beneficial than alcohol?!

 

Well, hopefully, you enjoyed my little rant. I will be posting about my travels in the next few days. In the last 3 months, Abbey and I have been to 9 states! It’s been a blast, but I will be taking a quick break in Oregon for a few months. Traveling is a blast, but honestly, I need a quick chill pill to keep on keeping on with my journey. Until next time!

 

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Taryn and the Bear

So I’ve been slacking. This is in part due to work, preparing to head out for the last wedding, and having to cope without Abbey (Only for a few days due to the wedding). So I’m going to do a little housekeeping:

 

I’m 29!

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I turned 29 last Wednesday. Celebrating my birthday isn’t something I put much effort and energy into. This year was a little bittersweet because I normally spend the day with my rents, but they’re on different continents living their best life at the moment. They’re the ones who spearhead the shenanigans, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t bother, ha! I’m not a huge birthday person and haven’t been since I was 11. But since I didn’t want to be a complete abstainer, I did get a small cake and a mimosa for good measure. See mom, I did something! I did have fun though. Abbey and I went on a trail, hung out by the water, and just relaxed (and worked a bunch).

 

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

My nightly routine usually involves chilling in the jacuzzi and listening to some tunes. The townhouse that I’m renting has the perfect blend of “cabin-feels” without the cabin maintenance– I love it!

 

Anyway, I was outside and I had happened to take out my contacts because they were irritating me. As I was adjusting the temperature of the jacuzzi, I looked up and like eight feet in front of the gate, I saw a dark blob on the grass next to the fruit tree that generally isn’t there. I thought to myself, “huh, that blob isn’t usually there,”. I squinted to get a better look and the blob moved! It grabbed a piece of fruit, and that’s when I realized, it was a FREAKING BEAR!!!!

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My reaction, obvi.

 

You’d think that would run back inside and wait for it to pass on by but noooo… like the village idiot that dies in dinosaur/crazy animal films, I went inside to grab my camera and take photos of it. Fortunately, when I came back outside, it was further away, so my idiot self felt even more confident. As I was snapping away (with my flash on, like a genius), I guess the flash annoyed it as it made a fake charge motion towards me. Needless to say, I was pretty scared, but I was literally a step away from my door, so I squealed and ran back inside.

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What I thought was going to happen

 

There’s nothing like a little bear lunge to get the adrenaline running. As I said, it wasn’t super close, but close enough for me to rethink my bravery level. So, my takeaway is, if I can snap photos of a hungry bear, I can handle anything. That, and I’m likely the first person to die during an “animal on the loose” type of situation. 😉

 

I told my brother and my parents and they all said “So that’s why Big Bear is named that”, ha! Leave it to my family to be more excited to see the bear than disturbed by the fact that I was dumb enough to stick around for a photo shoot. Perhaps that’s why they’re my family, haha! Enjoy some shoddy quality bear photos!

 

Best laid plans

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I’m not dead! Though two bouts of sinus infections would lead me to believe otherwise. So what have I been up to? Long story short, I’ve gotten sick, learned how to assert my boundaries– some relationships are better for it, others, well worse.

I’m going to be blunt. Life is awesome, yet tough, but in general, I’m in favor of it. I do my best to get along while being mindful of the needs of others. To date, I’ve spent a lot of time bending over backward to accommodate someone close to me and I am proud to say, I’m at wit’s end and I’ve decided to bow out and become a reduced character in that person’s life movie.

I don’t end/distance myself from loved ones easily. In fact, I typically go the long-suffering route, enduring infractions just to keep the peace. Quite frankly, I’m tired. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make a relationship work on my own.

So toxic relationships are lame, especially when you care about the person. My love for them doesn’t change. My willingness to accept their poor treatment/character does.

“The bestlaid plans of mice and men often go awry definition. No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it.” – Robert Burns

 

 

Hello, Old Girl

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Life has been strange and beautiful, and though I’m going to do my best to describe it to you, I don’t know how well my world will translate onto the page, but I’ll give it a go.

As I wrote last week, transitioning back into Vegas, seeing my dad off to Germany, ramping up new work plans, it’s been in intense emotional roller coaster– one of which I’m proud to say I’m riding to the best of my ability.

I’m in a period of loss, so to speak, losing my dad in proximity, and a few other things I cannot discuss yet, it’s strangely drudged up the residue of my first major loss– the death of my Grandma. Though it’s been about 9 nine years since she passed, it’s a loss that has left (or at least I thought) a gaping hole within me.

Brenda

My grandmother was magical. My childhood was full of wonder, imagination, and excitement of which she facilitated by encouraging my storytelling, love for books, and card games. Seriously, I was 2 when she taught me how to read. I’ve been reading books like a crackhead in need of a fix ever since. She saw something within me and helped unleash the madness that is Taryn into this world.

Brenda was the quirkiest/kookiest woman I’ve ever known. She laughed at odd things, remembered important dates at odd times, and when I was little, I thought she was nutty. “Crazy like a fox!”, she’d say when I told her I thought she was nuts.

At 27, turns out that I too laugh at odd things, remember important dates at odd times, and am a little nutty. I think I’m beginning to get the hang of this crazy like a fox thing.

Around 16 — I can’t remember exactly– I had this strange feeling to spend more time with my grandma. I can’t explain why, but I felt the need to spend more time with her and to say “I love you”. So each Saturday, I’d stop by her house with a DVD and we’d watch a movie.

We both shared an appreciation for good looking men, and Troy had just come about. “Brad Pitt and those legs,” she’d exclaim. I’m sure I nodded in agreement. The dude had some great legs. On that note, I need to rewatch that film, ha.

This went on for a few weeks, and sometime shortly after, she suffered a stroke on the bus she rode from work. When I first heard about it, it was hard to put into emotion because I was still removed from it. It wasn’t until seeing her in the hospital, in an altered state from the crazy lady that I adored, to a sickly being staring down mortality, that I began to shut down.

I couldn’t bear the pain of seeing my hero reduced to a mere mortal, barely hanging onto life. Though initially she was improving, it was about a year or so later that she passed, right after my first horrifically shitty year of college and some massive changes within my family. Needless to say, 2008 can go to hell for all I care.

As my sister told me the news of my grandma’s passing, I cried for a few seconds, and then I went into an emotional coma of sorts. I’ve always been terrible with feelings but this took the cake. I buried my feelings– deep into an abyss with plans to never really use them again. My world went gray, as the person who first introduced me to the vivid colors of the world was no longer with me. If I’m being frank, I thought the best parts of me died with her.

A semi kind of life

As time went on, I trudged through life, having some decent moments, but never truly allowing myself to experience joy or peace. Granted it doesn’t help that I’m an existential weirdo, lol. Anyway, it’s funny how caring for others will help you eventually learn how to care for yourself, and I’ve got an army of niece and nephews and a not-so-obedient dog to blame for that.

Over the years, I’ve dedicated a significant amount of time in helping bring up my niece and nephews. Changing diapers, potty training, school graduations, awards ceremonies– it’s been a blast. Though there are 7 of them, I can spot their unique identities, what makes them tick, and how to reach each of them on their terms. Looking back, that’s exactly what my grandmother did for me and my siblings/cousins.

So fast forward to yesterday, after spending the day watching a set of 1 year old twins, a 2 and 4 year old, memories of the craziest lady I’ve ever known came flooding back to me. It was odd, as I was walking my dog late last night (90 degrees at 10pm, yay Vegas), I began to think about what she’d say to me about how I’m “doing life”. I knew she’d never want me to live in the self-imposed prison I’ve created.

In that moment, as I was walking Abbey in the suburban streets of Vegas, I spontaneously combusted into hysterical bouts of crying. Man, was it ugly– but also peaceful, freeing, and about freaking time. On a side note, I’m so glad no one else was out, because I’m sure I looked like a mess. Even Abbey kept giving me “wtf” looks from time to time. I wasn’t crying out of sadness or grief per se, but they were tears of joy because someone who I’d hadn’t seen in many years had returned to my life — me.

Not gone, just sleeping

Maybe this is my roundabout way of accepting the loss of a loved one, but it’s nice to be able to resurface from a long slumber. Much to my initial belief, I didn’t leave, I’m not broken, I just came back from playing an unintentionally long game of hide and seek. That’s at least what I’m telling myself, anyway.

I can’t help but to think and smile because though my grandmother is not with me, I’ll always have her. I find her in the things that I do, how I behave, how I think, my work ethic– I find her in me. So as it turns out, I was never gone or broken– just hiding underneath the layers of time.

Today I say hello, Taryn. Glad to have you back, we have a lot of catching up to do.

Feelings are…

Lame! Seriously, my emotions are all over the spectrum this week.

I’ve been in Vegas for about 3-ish weeks, and while I’m happy to be back, it’s not been without its challenges.

 

I’m experiencing a few major life changes all at once. And while there’s more good than bad, my hormones are all over the place this week, which doesn’t help one iota. Fortunately, I’m aware that I’m chemically imbalanced this week, so I’m not taking myself and my feelings too seriously (hence this rant). I will admit that my dad leaving for Germany to join my mom for the next few years was more difficult than I anticipated.

My parents are cooler than me

So last year, my mom decided to take a job that would place her in Germany for at least 3 years. My dad stayed back to take care of their stateside affairs. That in of itself was tough, as I’m close to my mom, but I had my dad. But today as was  I driving him to the airport, I felt like I was 5 again trying to cling to my mother’s dress instead of running to join the other kids to play.

I know I’m being dramatic, but my parents are really two of my favorite people on this planet, so to have them both in Europe (though I’m extremely happy/proud) it’s going to take some adjusting on my part. It doesn’t help that I’m 27 going on 60, which often places me out of my peer group.

 

It’s not all bad

Even though my bio parents are enjoying their European lives, I do in fact have a Vegas mom. Long story short, I met my buddy Mandy at a MeetUp a few years ago, and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s so kindly allowed me to steal her mom, Pam, who I admittedly hangout with more than Mandy (she moved to Utah last year). Pam is this is quirky, blunt Chicagoan who is a total riot. We share similar humor, so we get along famously. Every time I stop by, I’m spoiled– as is Abbey. Funnily enough, she’s been trying to get me back here since last year.

In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t move to Chicago (another story for another day) as I think being in a new city by myself wouldn’t have been that great. I’m sure I would’ve adapted, but being near family and friends is proving to be comforting.

Ok, feelings don’t suck that much

I’ll admit, I feel better after writing this. I still think that feelings are obstructions in the sense of accomplishing things, but whatevs, such is life. Anywho, I’ll try to blog more frequently, now that things seem to be settling down. I hope everyone is having a great Wednesday!

My mom, the badass

It’s Mother’s Day, and what kind of daughter would I be if I didn’t write an ode to my super duper awesome, one of a kind, mom? I could write a dissertation on why my mom kicks so much ass, but for the sake of time, I’ll try and condense is down to a blog post. In short, my mom is one of the most, if not the most influential people in my life– for better and for worse.  As someone who is fiercely independent and intelligent, I have to give credit to the lady who’s inspired me since day one. I also have to give her an immense amount of kudos for raising someone like me. So here’s why my mom is literally the best mom (for me) in the world!

It’s not easy parenting a “Taryn”

Since my escape from the womb, I’ve always been a conscientious objector. If you said “up”, I said “down”. You say “yes”, I say “no”. According to my mom, my favorite first words were “so what”. In addition to be a staunch contrarian, I also craved my independence, often opting to do things alone, being preoccupied with the world inside my head. I was relatively obedient, but I think it’s fair to say that out of all of my siblings, I was the odd one. God probably should’ve put a label on my behind that said “warning, this one is trouble”. Hehe

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Family circa 2004

So why am I telling you this?

Simply because, though I was/am a peculiar little dreamer with a wild imagination, intolerant of being controlled, my mom supported my choices and decisions, championing my hobbies and pursuits, with unconditional love. When I wanted to become a mad scientist– she bought me a chemistry set. When I discovered my love for writing– she bought me journals. She even supported my short story of an evil mom that I killed off with “canser” when I was around 6-7 (looking back at my childhood behavior, I think I displayed some signs of sociopathy, lol). She watched all of my basketball games, encouraged anything and everything I wanted to do. I am who I am today because my mom never put limitations on my potential, and I’m forever grateful for that.

Cheers to my mom…

for being such an incredible parent, and loving me in spite of all the grey hairs I’ve given her throughout the years. Though she’s in Germany, I think about that crazy lady all of the time. Thank you mom, for enduring me as an infant, and not putting me in an institution as an adolescent. Many could not do what you do! To all of the moms out there, Happy Mother’s Day!!!

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RIP Darwin

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Back in February, I was involved in a car accident in which Darwin, my car, didn’t make it. As I was driving from Long Beach to Monterey, a dude rear-ended me, spilling my newly purchased iced Macchiato all over my car. Even better, Abbey was in the car with me. Now, being involved in a car accident with my dog in the car, happens to be one of my biggest fears, so as the car impacted mine, my first thought was for the safety of Abbey.

Fortunately, she was fine, just a little spazzed out. I was fine for the most part too. Just stressed out about the logistics of the situation. The accident occurred in LA during the evening and I didn’t have any friends who were in the vicinity that could pick me up. Incidentally, I had to call a potential client turned family friend to explain my situation. I was so fortunate that she came out, picked me up as my car was being towed away and allowed me to spend the night at her house.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad accident to have. My insurance company (Progressive), was awesome at taking care of everything. Coincidentally, the guy who hit me was also insured by Progressive and it was clearly his fault, so the matter was resolved within a week. Even though I received a decent amount for my car, I was sad that my little 2010 Toyota Corolla was soon to be no more. It was my first car and I planned on keeping it until it couldn’t run anymore. But, plans change, I guess.

If I’m being honest, it wasn’t just about losing my vehicle, there were a lot of memories entangled in that car. From road trips, moving to different states, going to and graduating schools, that car had seen a lot. So, because I wasn’t able to say “goodbye” to Darwin, this is my way of doing so. I’m thankful that it kept me and Abbey safe, and for all of the adventures it helped me facilitate. Darwin will be missed.

My dog is a jerk, but I love it

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Morning Walk

Abbey and I have been buddies since March, 2013. I was sitting in a Starbucks one day thinking I needed a dog. Looking back, I was so ill-prepared, but I persevered, managing to keep us both alive and relatively sane for the past 4 years. I love my dog. She’s the best. But if I had to be completely honest, her level of obedience is about 75% at best. This secretly makes me proud.

 

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Without a care in the world

A mind of her own

I’ll admit, I’m a stubborn son of a gun, questioning everyone and everything, if it suits me. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that my dog behaves the same way. When we’re in the house, she’s pretty good about following directions. But if I’m away, she’ll get into food that’s within her reach, or she’ll sit on the couch. I’ve straight up come home and she’ll be on the floor. However, I’ll touch the couch and it feels warm (not too slick there, Abbey). Or, if we’re outside and she’s off the leash, she will not listen to me, unless I’ve called her a dozen times and I sound angry. In these moments, I’ll grumble, muttering to myself that my dog is an a**, but I’ll have a slight smile of pride on my face. This might sound crazy, but I couldn’t deal with a dog who has 100% allegiance to my command. Heck, I don’t even obey myself 100% of the time.  Blind obedience means you aren’t thinking for yourself, so when she deviates from desired behavior, I’d like to think it’s because she’s doing her own thing. Part of me can never be too mad about that, lol.

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Love this crazy mutt

As that crazy mutt is approaching 6 this year, I’m so thankful for her and all of the fun/zany adventures that we’ve encountered. It’s funny, she’s not a big barker, but when I saw her at the shelter 4 years ago, she made sure to get my attention, and I’m so glad she did. 🙂