Taryn Gains Reentry

Hello and long time no see!

I’m Back!

Pardon my abrupt 4-ish month hiatus. Turns out, I needed a leave of absence to get my bearings. Admittedly, as I was beginning my 3-month “vacation” it was clear that I had some internal work to do. Thankfully after a few (tons) conversations with God, I made peace with a lot of things, learned to rely on His wisdom and not my own, which set me free in so many aspects of my life. It’s been a pruning period, to say the least. I will say that I am much better for it and am thankful for all of the experiences that have led me to this point thus far. So here are a few things that I’ve been up to in my absence.

Taking Responsibility

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In January, I was mentally/emotionally in a chaotic state, not dealing with my “things” very well. Fortunately, I could tell something was amiss, and though I was committed to doing the “work”, I needed some help. Faith really played a part in my healing process. I began to ask the questions, “how did I get here?” and “in what ways did I contribute to this mess?”. Funny thing is, if you do ask God these questions, you’ll get an answer, though it may not be what you want to hear. In short, in asking the tough questions, I realized that I needed to take responsibility for the relationships I engaged in and how I spent my time. The truth is, I had a habit of hanging out with insanely damaged people. When I realized that the baggage I was carrying was 98% not my own, it radically changed my view and perception about myself and the world I created.

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Killing My Ego

As much as I hate to admit it, I have a Texas-sized ego. I’m smart and not only do I know it, I have no problem demonstrating it. It’s an issue I’m constantly managing, ha! I LOVE problem-solving. My spatial reasoning skills are quite amazing. There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy ego, but when you begin to believe that you are indeed Superman, therein lies the issue. Maybe I hung out with the wrong people because I believed I could fix them. Maybe I hung out with broken folks because it made me feel superior in some messed up way (also I hate admitting that, but it’s true). The problem is, birds of a feather flock together, so I would either change the people I was with or eventually become just like them.

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Obviously, the latter happened. Of course, if you keep mentally trying to divide by zero, your brain will begin to shut down or explode. On a subconscious level, I knew something was awry, but I suppose at the time, it was easier to numb myself than to make changes. One of the worst things that I had to own was that I easily accepted the nonsense and beliefs of others without questioning or checking in with my own perspective. Friends, that is such a vile way to live! If there is one thing I hope that people could embrace, it’s to not allow other people’s perceptions of you rule your worldview. Once I began to question what people were saying and look at what they were actually doing, I began to realize the truth: a lot of people are hypocrites and blindly live according to societal standards or damaged value systems. Upon realizing this, it freed me to pursue the life that I want for myself, devoid of acknowledging the opinions of others.

Freedom in Being Yourself

After getting off of the “people-pleasing” rat race, the fundamental elements of Taryn came back, which I’m so thankful for! I now understand what I think, how I view myself, and what works for me to sustain a happy and meaningful life. Currently, I’m in Brian Head, UT with Abbey, enjoying the peaceful solitude of mountain life. There’s like 5 people up here, which is awesome! I do, on occasion, venture into the nearby town of Cedar City to people watch and do grocery shopping. To be honest, I can only last down there for about 3-4 hours before I become increasingly annoyed with the townsfolk.

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I don’t know what it is, but one thing I’ve observed in my newfound “awareness” is that a lot of people are asleep at the wheel, merely going through the motions, and not fully aware of what it is that they’re doing. Seriously, I’ll have conversations with people and I will gently posit questions and 100% of the time, there’s a lightbulb going off in their minds. I don’t say this to come off as superior or judgmental. And maybe I’m able to see it because I too was once in this state. This observation honestly makes me want to go out and hug people, and tell them that it’s going to be OK. To me, seeing folks in this light signifies that there is something profoundly wrong with society.

Back to Creating

Anyway, this post wasn’t meant to be so existential, but then again, this is literally how my brain works. So, I will own it. I do want to share that I did end up making the podcast! The first episode airs in like 15 minutes, which you can find here! Is it perfect? No! But, I am proud of what I’ve accomplished, even though my audio-engineering skills leave a lot to be desired. Feel free to take a listen and share your thoughts! The whole podcast is meant to be humorous and I do not take myself seriously, so I hope you can get a laugh or two at the mis/adventures I will share on it. With that, I’m going to go outside and watch Abbey play in the snow. Until next time!

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Taryn sees red

I always try to have a positive/funny vibe when I write, but today I’m going to keep it real and try a little rage/humor.

 

 

Royally Pissed

 

 

Guys, I’m a rage monster today. 

I’m a cranky, annoyed, frustrated, grumpy Taryn right now. I’m seeing red and wanting to do something about it. I’m kick-a-bunny angry.  Trip-a-kid angry. Punch-an-old-person angry. Yeah, I’m a hot mess. The funny part? On the outside, I look like:

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But on the inside, I’m like this:

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WARNING: Actual sighting of Taryn. Beware

 

Here’s a quick rundown for my anger (in no particular order):

  • Bank of America and their shady savings account fees
  • Clients that aren’t on the same page internally and are giving contradictory feedback, wasting my time
  • Having to walk on eggshells because a person whom I’m stuck spending the next few days with changes her mood every nanosecond (technically this is my fault. I booked a hotel and then canceled. Idiot)
  • Las Vegas drivers
  • Feeling creatively stagnant (not for long!!!)

 

The Upside to Anger

There is a beauty to my rage-ness. Anger tells me that I’m feeling! As someone who typically struggles with identifying how I feel, this is a positive. I’m also able to identify why I’m angry. Anger also confirms why I left Vegas in the first place and why I have to keep going, in spite of being uncomfortable with entering unchartered territory. Anyway, I’m less angry now. I’d say I’m more in the range of ambivalent/annoyed with a side of hopeful. Who knew that writing was more beneficial than alcohol?!

 

Well, hopefully, you enjoyed my little rant. I will be posting about my travels in the next few days. In the last 3 months, Abbey and I have been to 9 states! It’s been a blast, but I will be taking a quick break in Oregon for a few months. Traveling is a blast, but honestly, I need a quick chill pill to keep on keeping on with my journey. Until next time!

 

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Strategic Sunday Pt. 6: Good Vibes

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This past week has been a great one! I’ve taken on some new projects that I’m absolutely excited about. I love that I enjoy the subject matter I’m writing on. Continue reading “Strategic Sunday Pt. 6: Good Vibes”

How to be a Creep in Starbucks

I love coffee. I also love staring at attractive men. So what do you get when you put the two together? A very distracted writer, that’s what. I’ve finally perfected my writing routine. I write my rough drafts with a pen and paper without headphones on, it’s quite glorious actually. Once I’m done fleshing out the article, I then open my laptop. You’d be surprised how productive I am lately. Anyway, I’m getting my writing on and this attractive gentleman decides to sit next to me as if he didn’t know his gorgeousness wouldn’t be a distraction. Continue reading “How to be a Creep in Starbucks”

I Feel Sorry For My Future Children

I’m a worry wart. I spend much of my time waiting for the oh-so proverbial shoe to drop square on my face, reinforcing my Chicken Little thoughts that the sky is indeed falling. Yes, one could say I need to take a chill pill. So it goes without saying that my fur-child Abbey, who is the apple of my eye, is a well-monitored and cared for pup. I would do anything for that crazy wily little (medium-sized) dog. Continue reading “I Feel Sorry For My Future Children”

Pwning Kids at Chuck E. Cheese

I’ve have the sheer pleasure of having my mommy in town! I’ve been off having all kinds of adventures and fun. One of my most recent adventures happened to involve Chuck E. Cheese. Personally I’m not a fan of going to places with tons of screaming children, however both my niece and nephew made the honor roll, so alas, I must oblige. Continue reading “Pwning Kids at Chuck E. Cheese”

The Tinder Chronicles

*Spoiler alert, there’s some gross/creepy language ahead.

While I love staring and talking about the opposite sex, I don’t have an interest in dating at the moment. As a 25 year old straight woman, this has raised a few eyebrows. In my opinion, the only reason one would want to date, is to potentially get married. I believe that if you really want to be with someone, you need to be able to put their needs/feelings above your own. Don’t get me wrong, can I do that? Yes. Do I want to? NO.  Continue reading “The Tinder Chronicles”

5 AMAZING ways to be a Rockstar While Working From Home

Freelancing is not for the faint of heart. It can be great, it’s not always sunshine and daisies. While you technically are your own boss and there is a lot of freedom in the role, it takes a lot of dedication, discipline, and patience. But who wants to be successful? Ain’t nobody got time for that. So to help my fellow writers out, here’s a list of 5 ways you too can kill it working from home.

1. Don’t Go Outside

Seriously, DON”T. GO. OUTSIDE. EVER. Who needs vitamin D anyway. Going outside is for chumps. Be a hero and stay inside, in the dark, under the covers, while slaving away on your laptop. You don’t need to feel the sun on your face to feel alive. The backlight glimmer of your laptop brings the hope of anxiety and potential emotional breakdown. You can’t get that kind of joy from the outside world.

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2. Don’t Exercise

Who needs all the benefits of endorphins? Instead, sit your ass on your couch and enjoy the Duck Dynasty marathon. You don’t have to be about that exercise life. Even better, order take out, all the time. Let those fitness freaks do all the running. You’re doing a different kind of marathon… a Netflix marathon, that is.

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3. Don’t Budget Your Money

Budgeting is for wimps. You have a rockstar life to maintain. Who cares if your workload isn’t the steadiest? You have to show your friends that you’re a baller without a boss. So live it up. You can always block the calls from debt collectors

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4. Don’t Talk to Anyone

You’re an artist. Remember, people are the enemy. The perks of working from home means that you don’t have to interact with anyone. That line “no man is an island” is a load of crap. Creating literary genius requires isolation from the outside world. I mean it worked for Hemingway, right?

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5. Don’t Have a Routine

This one is incredibly important. If you truly want to be at the top of your game, you must not have a plan, like, ever. Just slap a bunch of crap on the wall and see what sticks. Work in circles aimlessly. Don’t ask for help either, that’s the lame way out. You’re on this road along… forever… for all eternity. Help is for the weak, you must endure.

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Follow these 5 steps and you too can have a rewarding, amazing, anxiety filled depressing career… errrr what???

Ok, ok… so I may be pulling your leg a little. Going down the road less traveled requires more work than one might think.While working for yourself has its rewarding moments, if you do not keep a healthy balance of work and life, it can go south very quickly. In fact, if you don’t pace yourself, you could go bonkers (trust me, it’s happened to yours truly). Get a support system and remember to have a life outside of your work. Freelance responsibly, my friends!

The Truth About MeetUp

 

Looking for friends my age in Vegas is pretty tough. A lot of 20 somethings are here because they live for the nightlife and want to be  in a club, on the dance floor, while chemically out of their minds. I’m not knocking that lifestyle, though I prefer more low key events and being in my right state of mind. I imagine that MeetUp is pretty much the same as online dating, except you’re looking for friends. Sometimes you meet weirdos who are not who they say they are. I happened to fall victim of this circumstance a few times last year. Here is one of the instances.

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Last year, after making it my personal mission to have a little more fun, I decided to join a new MeetUp group which catered to 20-30 somethings. Since I tend to be more of a wet blanket, I figured I’d get along with an older crowd. The event was a happy hour at one of my favorite downtown bars, Commonwealth. Since I haven’t been in forever, I figured, what they hay? One of my new friends was actually part of the group so at least I had a friend should this thing go south. And boy, did it go south pretty quickly.

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One of my favorite parts of Commonwealth is that it has a great deck that holds a bunch of people overlooking downtown. Plus you can be as casual or as dressy as you like. I should also mention that I did  some recon (stalking) of the members of the group so I can get a sense of what I was walking into and I didn’t see any red flags. I made my way upstairs since that was where the MeetUp was being held. I get to the group and introduce myself to the group and I can say for certain that 90% of the women in attendance used the term 20s and 30s very liberally.

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To be honest, I’m pretty sure
that I was at least 20 years younger than most of the women (at the time I was 24). Despite my externally welcoming presence, I’m incredibly introverted. Seriously, most people are shocked to find that out, because I can come across as very social. Anyway, back to the Golden Girls.. er I mean 20s and 30s MeetUp. Instead of being awkward, I try my best to make conversation. My futile attempts were met with tight-lipped smiles. You know that smile you give when you’re talking to someone who is obviously “young” and too immature for the conversation. In my defense, I was one of the three girls who were actually in the age bracket, sorry I didn’t want to talk about denture glue.

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Anyways I digress, I ended up bonding with the other two girls who were 24 also, we were talking and then all of a sudden the moderator of the group, Bianca, brings over some creepy dudes introducing them to us “young girls”. I couldn’t believe it, I was being pimped out for my youth. The emphasis on our ages was quite obvious and the older women kept mentioning that the group was full of 20/30 somethings.

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The creepy older dudes beseeched upon us like a biblical plague. I was taken aback as this was supposed to be a girls bonding type situation. Having guys as old as your own father try to hit on you is creepy at best. Turning to look at the other girls my age, they were doing their best to be polite and cordial, though I could tell one thing was certain; we all wanted to get the hell out of there.

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I politely excused myself and the girls did the same. Laughing about the awkwardness of the situation, we left to the next bar to drink away the weird encounter. The night actually ended up being a good amount of fun. We found ourselves going back to Commonwealth for their 90s hiphop DJ. I spotted Bianca with one of the creepers she had introduced to us. To be polite, I said hello and thanked her for putting together the meetup. As I was speaking to her, her gentleman caller had started walking off into the crowd. Mid-sentence, Bianca stops talking and starts sprinting after this dude as though he is the last viable man on this earth.

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I turn to my friends, both shocked and laughing hysterically. Needless to say, that was my first and last time attending a MeetUp with the 20-30 Somethings group. Though it was a strange experience to say the least, I did make a new friend that day. While I hope the best for those ladies, I think the name “Find a Date Before it’s too Late” would be more fitting. 😉

How NOT to Behave on Valentine’s Day

I think I may be one of those rare “single people” who don’t mind Valentine’s Day. In fact, not only do I not mind, I have an annual tradition set in place since I was 17 years old! It started one fine Valentine’s Day back in 2007 (Yikes I’m getting older O.o). My friends and I were in the local grocery store, walking in like a badass posse strutting our independence because we drove ourselves in my Mom’s Mini-Van. I rocked the shit out of that van back in the day.

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My friends and I had planned on going back to my house and baking a crap ton of delicious treats while watching a movie. As we were getting ready to leave the grocery store, I happened upon a rack of movies. It was there that I found THE Valentine’s Day movie of a lifetime. I picked up The Departed and thought to myself “I have no clue what this movie is about, but for the sake of looking cool, I’m going to go with this one.” Yes friends, I picked a violent Boston mob film to watch on Valentine’s Day. The ridiculous part was, that it went well! I thoroughly enjoyed the film, as did my friends. Thus a tradition was born.

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Fast forward 4 years, and I found myself carrying out my beloved tradition at college in Flagstaff. I invited my friends over for dinner, treats, and a super badass film. I was particularly excited because a certain someone I may or may not have had a crush on was going to be in attendance. Again, I stress the may or may not. It was one of those situations where you aren’t terribly too sure, or at the very least you didn’t want anyone to really know about it. So naturally I did the “deny deny deny” charade for some time.

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As I was preparing the food and getting ready for my friends to arrive, I felt a sudden twinge of anxiety and nervousness. I began to feel pretty anxious about all of these people coming over. So naturally, like any smart 21 year old, I decided to drink the anxiety away. After all, what’s the harm in getting a little buzz on before company arrives? Of course, my intelligent, self had not eaten in quite some time, so let’s just say the booze did it’s job.

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I “came alive” as my friends piled into my house. It was quite a good sized group, so I was pretty happy with the turnout. Drinks were pouring, people were eating, then all of a sudden, he showed up. Zack entered the room casually late with desserts in hand. I think one of the things I admired most about him was his thoughtfulness. So my buzzed (errr, drunk) ass goes over to greet and look over the tasty treats he’s provided.

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I must preface this by saying I am a closeted picky eater. Seriously, there are only two pies that I like: apple and cherry. So looking at his selection, to my horror, Zack had purchased a peach pie. I hate peach pie. Of course, I had planned on doing the nice mature thing by saying “thank you” but my drunk brain had something else in mind. Staring down at the pie I thought to myself “Great he brought peach pie, because I f*cking hate it”. All of a sudden I hear several gasps and the room got quiet.To my shock and horror, what I “thought” I had said to myself, I actually ended up saying out loud. I looked up and surveyed the room to see the stunned faces looking at me. Zack’s face was bright red as I tried to fumble through a terrible retraction/apology.

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Fortunately for me, he was pretty gracious about the whole thing and decided to tease me about for some time, and it later became the joke amongst our group. Later that year I made a peach pie for his birthday as a peace offering. As the hostess with the mostest, I proceeded to shove peach pie down everyone’s throats as a sign of solidarity. Needless to say, that was the first dessert finished that night. Even after my little debacle, it was still a great night.

Well folks, that’s how not to behave on Valentine’s Day. Here are a few key takeaways that I hope you’ve gotten from my awesome little blunder

  1. Don’t drink on an empty stomach
  2. Make sure you’re actually thinking in your head and not out loud
  3. When someone hands you a gift just say “thank you” and shut up

I hope everyone had a swell Valentine’s day!

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