Taryn Lightens Up

As much as I hate to admit it, I am a recovering sympathy addict. As I’ve mentioned, the last year was certainly not an easy one and everyone I knew was quick to sympathize and validate how crappy my situation was. Somewhere along the way, not only did I agree with them, I started to view myself in a victimized sort of fashion. I HATE admitting that. But, in order for me to move on and grow from this learning experience, I suppose honesty is the best policy.

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

I’ve been in Big Bear Lake nearing three weeks and as much fun as it’s been, I spent the first two weeks licking my wounds and throwing the ultimate of pity parties.

 

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Seriously, I’m embarrassed to admit that I was high on my “I’ve gone through traumatic experiences” vibes, that I was failing to see all of the awesome blessings and opportunities that had fallen on my lap.

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Life sucks, poor me. Lol

 

Just because you’re right, doesn’t mean you’re right

Sometime last week, a voice that I hadn’t heard in a while popped into my head and asked me when I was going to be done feeling sorry for myself. For the first time in a while, I started to realize how my frame of view was biting me in the behind. In short, I was pouring salt in shallow wounds, not allowing myself to heal. Basically, I was fighting myself for no apparent reason.

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I can look at this in one of two ways. I can either:

A: Be upset at people and situations that were really messed up, putting a damper on my worldview. Or…

B: Accept what happened, forgive people, and enjoy life as God intended rain or shine.

 

Lighten up and move on

So, I’ve chosen the latter, and my my my, what a difference a shift in perspective makes! I am acutely aware of how blessed I am. I have my health, my family, a career that I enjoy, and the opportunity to try new things and visit random places. I don’t want to waste my time wallowing in self-pity or ruminating on the negative stuff. Nope, I want to live life with the glass half-full.

I’m not denying my trials and tribulations. I’m choosing to accept that they happened and quick frankly, I may be a better person for it! I would be remiss if I didn’t credit God and my time reading the Bible for helping me in the healing process. I’m no saint, and I’ve realized that if I’m forgiven for my shortcomings, it’s high time that I did the same for others.

Anyway, I’m off to finish up some work and then I’m off to my knitting class! I’m learning how to make a scarf, so far, I’m learning rather quickly and I am having fun sitting in with the local crafters up here. Happy Tuesday!

 

What if something bad happens?

I’ve experienced some awesome growth in my writing career. The fruits of my labors are blooming and I am very ecstatic for what’s to come. While I am over the moon, I can’t help but overanalyze the future.

As someone who’s experienced loss on a deep level, it’s tough for me to allow myself to be truly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a positive person, but on a scale of personal fulfillment, I go up to 75% and then crash and burn. Like a fail-safe switch, I begin to self-destruct once I’ve reached my optimum level of mediocrity. After spending some time soul-searching, I’ve come to realize that I’ve taught myself to stop trying. After all, you can’t get hurt if you weren’t expecting happiness to be the end target right?

My point is, the mind is an incredibly scary place to get trapped in. Understanding that I have to actively deconstruct these mental barriers in my brain on a day to day basis is daunting, but worth the effort. I want to take the world by storm and really be happy and proud of my life. And, what if something bad happens? I’ll just pick myself up and get back on this horse called “Life”.

Whether I’ participating or not, life is happening. Just because I avoid it doesn’t mean I freeze in time and  press play when I’m ready to get back out there. I don’t want to one day find myself old and miserable because I was too scared to make an effort. So to all of my fellow bloggers/readers, take care of your mind and do away with the negative thoughts that cause you to freeze. Life is for the living and we should cherish the time we have on this beautiful planet. That said, I hope everyone has a beautiful week!

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Stop Thinking, Start Doing

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

That quote is on a magnet that I put on my fridge about a year ago. When I bought it, my thought was I’d see it everyday when I pulled out my creamer for my coffee then magically become motivated to test my limits. The reality is, that most times I don’t even look at that magnet, nor do I venture out into unknown territory often. I ran into my neighbor again this morning as I was finishing my walk with Abbey. Honestly every time I see her I really do believe that sometimes things do happen for a reason. This morning was no different.

Last week, I had been struggling to progress with my freelance writing. I’ve been meaning to update my LinkedIn profile and put of samples of my work. The actual task of updating my profile is quite simple. You just have to update your career and upload some documents and Presto! You’re in business. If it’s so easy to do that, you’re probably wondering why on earth have I not done so? The simple answer is that, I’m scared to put my stuff out there. Once I hit that submit button, my hopes, fears, aspirations, are available to the world to do with whatever they choose. That type of vulnerability is terrifying to me. Granted, I realized that one of my key points in my post 2 weeks ago. I can’t very well encourage you all to be vulnerable if I’m not willing to do so myself, now can I?

Talking it out with my neighbor made me realize how much I hold myself back. My mind was working in “negative thought” overdrive. By holding onto negative thoughts and promoting self-doubt. I’ve talked myself out of doing simple tasks for fear of being judged. When I got home, I took a good look in the mirror and I’m resolving to make a change. I need to tear down the walls that I’ve built up and just get on with it. I am challenging myself to get out of my head and start living presently. And since it’s the beginning of the month, the timing couldn’t be better.

June is the month where I break out and really challenge myself both personally and professionally. I will update my LinkedIn profile and get over the fear of judgement. After all, in order to succeed, you have to start. In order to keep myself accountable, I’ll check in with my progress here and give an honest update with how it’s all going. My hope is that you’ll join me and stretch your minds to conquer whatever holds you back this month. Here’s to a growth-filled June. 🙂

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5 Things I Could Not Live Without

Despite my constant whining about life, I am thankful for many things in my life. Sometimes I can forget to appreciate all that I’ve been blessed with. So here’s a list of things I’m thankful for and could not live without.

1. Family

I’m pretty sure I have the coolest parents around. Whenever I need some advice, words of encouragement, or I just need a hug, they’re always supportive with arms wide open. I’m even thankful for my siblings. We may not always see eye to eye, but as we get older they aren’t so bad ;-). My niece and nephews each stole a part of my heart when they were born. I don’t think they’ll be returning anytime soon either. If I had to choose my favorite occupation to date, it would be aunt. Also my furchild is seriously the best dog in the universe who loves me even when I’m not giving her treats. She helps me relax and enjoy the simple things and has taught me patience more ways than one.

2. Friends

Seeing as I’ve spent some time in several states, I have the privilege of having friends in different places. I’ve even managed to make a group of friends here in Vegas, which almost felt like a never-ending task in itself. Those girls provide me with awesome activities and shenanigans that I’m sure we’ll be talking about for years to come. I’ve managed to make some lifelong friends in this young life of mine and they are some of the best around. I am very thankful for everyone of them.

3. My Health

Obviously this makes the list as I would not be alive without it ;-). This is something I take for granted all the time. In reality my immune system kicks butt. I’ve rarely been sick, ever. In spite of my frustrations with trying to navigate this world, my body has never failed me. So thank you, self for keeping me healthy!

4. Starbucks

I know I know, spoken like a true junkie, but this place provides me with more than just coffee. There’s always a plethora of hot dudes, the baristas are super chill, and I get 90% of my writing done here (yes I’m at Starbucks at this very moment). I’ve actually gotten jobs out of Starbucks, I’ll do a post on that later. It is indeed my home away from home.

5. My Brain

I love my crazy little brain. If only you knew half of the craziness that goes on in my head. From time to time I’ll share my little blurbs with others, which usually incites a ton of laughter. I tend to look at things in the most random way and I would not change that for all the money in the world. Even with all of life’s insecurities, I can honestly I like the person staring back at me in the mirror. She’s pretty rad.

 

So to wrap this all up, I know I haven’t been the most positive as of late. Sometimes one can get wrapped up in this thing called life and that’s when you need to take a step back and appreciate what you have the most. Even just writing this, I have a smile on my face and am more so appreciative of my life and loved ones who fill it. Life isn’t always going to be sunshine and daisies, but looking back at all the awesomeness that is around me, I’ll deal. 🙂 So, what are you thankful for?

 

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Congratulations! You are Normal

It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing.  The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!

Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”.  I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!

So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.

 

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