Taryn Sets Boundaries

Ok, so I know I still need to write about my birthday. However, I left my camera and I wanted to upload a photo for the post, so it’ll happen sometime soon! Anywho, I’ve recently made the unsettling discovery that I’m not always the best advocate for myself when it comes to respecting my time/boundaries. In fact, I can be a bit of a doormat both professionally and personally.

 

Fairy Godmother syndrome

I don’t know exactly when, but at some point, I made the choice to help other people with their goals, problems, dreams, etc. If you needed help with something, I was your girl! Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, I’d turn on my neurotic superpowers to make sure whatever you needed appeared as if all I had to do was wave a magic wand. Sure, that sounds like a nice character trait, however, I went way overboard, leaving very little in the tank when it came to taking care of myself.

 

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The first step is admission

Maybe focusing on other people’s stuff was easier than admitting that I was avoiding my own stuff, but, fortunately for me, I had a painful experience during a recent wedding where I had to be a maid of honor, forcing me to take a good hard look at how I prioritized myself and others in my life (One day, I’ll sit down and fully explain, but I’m letting some time go by for processing purposes). To summarize quickly, I had overlooked my own personal needs to uphold someone else’s unrealistic expectations. Like a hand backslapping you on a cold winter’s day, I was confronted with an unsettling truth: I turned myself into a doormat and I have myself to blame.

 

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Out with the old, in with the boundaries

I’ve learned how to assert the word “no” and it’s been glorious! At work, I’m refusing projects that are either too low in compensation or when the project is too demanding. I’m no longer answering emails that are outside of my working hours or arrangements I’ve made with clients. Long story short, I’m doubling down on my worth. I have noticed that it makes me less agreeable (something that I used to covet), but it has weeded out the emotional soul-sucking aspects of my professional life. Setting boundaries also helped me to discover that when I was dreading or avoiding something, it was actually my subconscious trying to let me know that my boundaries were being disrespected. Now, when my gut is telling me to abandon ship, I listen.

 

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Taryn’s got a brand new bag

I have to admit, asserting boundaries have been so helpful in my crazy little world. I’m learning to put myself first, hence my traipsing across the US. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that initially, this process felt very alien to me, but with a little practice, I’m improving over time! It is a work in progress, like a muscle I’m exercising to build endurance. Creatively, this opens me up to really hunker down and work on my projects. With that being said, I am enjoying the changes I’m making and am looking forward to the process, uncomfortable or not!

Taryn tries Keto

So yesterday was my birthday. I turned 29. I was going to write about it (and will, probably tomorrow) but I feel like a total POS because I spent the last few days off of Keto and I’m miserable!!!!!

It started with a trainer

A few months back, I decided to not only get a gym membership but to also get a personal trainer. After all, I was staring down being in two weddings six weeks of each other, a girl’s gotta look good. Anyway, my trainer (who I absolutely adore and miss terribly) made me switch my dietary habits and told me to try Keto. I’m not going to get into the specifics of Keto, but it’s basically a low carb, moderate protein, and high-fat diet. I was skeptical and annoyed about how expensive and mindful my shopping had become, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see how much of a difference it did for me mentally.

 

My brain with superpowers

The biggest change (well one of them) for me was my brain processing/mental state– whatever you want to call it. My ability to focus, power through mundane tasks, and just my overall emotional resilience went THROUGH THE ROOF! At my pique performance, I was going to the gym 5-6 times a week, eating a Keto diet, and just loving life. Like seriously, I HATE administrative/repetitive tasks, but I found myself not only being more productive, I didn’t mind as much. I could go on and on about how my diet also improved my gym recovery, etc, but for the sake of this post, I’ll stick with my brain. Anywho, fast forward to this past week. I decided to “treat” myself and ate all kinds of tasty and horrible food.

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Hello darkness, my old friend

When I ditch my Keto diet and eat crappy food, I AM SO MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED, it’s not even funny!!! You’re probably thinking, “Taryn, c’mon, it’s not the food.” Oh, but it is! When I eat poorly, I’m sluggish, foggy, cranky, and just downright depressed. Fortunately, I’m very cognizant of my mood and the causes of my changes in behavior. I am glad that I’ll be fine in a day or two, but man it is gnarly how food can really alter your mindset.

 

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You are what you eat

I’m not advocating that everyone go on Keto– it depends on a few factors. That said, the difference of cutting out sugar, bad carbs, and processed foods is astounding! Do I miss bread? Sure. BUT, I LOVE how I feel when I eat healthily and exercise on a regular basis. It’s worth cutting out the crappy stuff, hands down. Anyway, that’s the end of my dietary rant. I will be back to normal in a day or two.

Back from the…

ok, I get it- I suck at blogging regularly.

Hello friends! I have been busy… with life! While I can’t pour my heart and soul into this post, I’ll give you a few quick bullet points on the life of Taryn as of late. Continue reading “Back from the…”

Strategic Sunday: Terminal Uniqueness

Greetings!

Here I am, returning from the shadows of obscurity. It’s been quite a while. A lot has changed and a lot has remained the same. That was my hipster way of saying that I’ve been running in circles waiting for the sky to fall these last few months. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some great achievements, and I’ve had some learning moments.

Terminal Uniqueness 

First, I’d like to say that no, I’m not a recovering alcoholic (though my mom seems to think so, more on that later). That said, the term “terminal uniqueness”– which is commonly referred to in A.A.– is the belief that the situation the individual is facing is unlike anything faced by other people. Now, if I’m being honest, when I go to my mopey “all hope is lost” place, I tend to think my “isms” are soooo different than what everyone else is facing.

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I mean obviously, no one could possibly understand my life. 2 parents that are still married who are unconditionally supportive of their daughter, friends that care, and a career that is gaining speed? Sheesh, the horror.

As I venture out into the world, I am reminded that my road has been traveled and I don’t have to go it alone. I’m coming to the understanding that I’m not a special little snowflake, and I’m finding comfort in the fact that I’m more human than I give myself credit. Now I am tasked with the pesky chore of connecting with my fellow humans. I’m a little rusty, but I’m working on it!

What’s Next…

So, I’m getting back into the blogging swing of things and I have a bunch of goodies to share. I had an epic 26th birthday in October, killed it in freelance writing in terms of earnings in the last 2 months, I’m “taking pride in my appearance” (again, more on that later), and volunteering at the library. In a nutshell, I’m back! So get ready, because I mean it this time! Happy Sunday!

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What if something bad happens?

I’ve experienced some awesome growth in my writing career. The fruits of my labors are blooming and I am very ecstatic for what’s to come. While I am over the moon, I can’t help but overanalyze the future.

As someone who’s experienced loss on a deep level, it’s tough for me to allow myself to be truly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a positive person, but on a scale of personal fulfillment, I go up to 75% and then crash and burn. Like a fail-safe switch, I begin to self-destruct once I’ve reached my optimum level of mediocrity. After spending some time soul-searching, I’ve come to realize that I’ve taught myself to stop trying. After all, you can’t get hurt if you weren’t expecting happiness to be the end target right?

My point is, the mind is an incredibly scary place to get trapped in. Understanding that I have to actively deconstruct these mental barriers in my brain on a day to day basis is daunting, but worth the effort. I want to take the world by storm and really be happy and proud of my life. And, what if something bad happens? I’ll just pick myself up and get back on this horse called “Life”.

Whether I’ participating or not, life is happening. Just because I avoid it doesn’t mean I freeze in time and  press play when I’m ready to get back out there. I don’t want to one day find myself old and miserable because I was too scared to make an effort. So to all of my fellow bloggers/readers, take care of your mind and do away with the negative thoughts that cause you to freeze. Life is for the living and we should cherish the time we have on this beautiful planet. That said, I hope everyone has a beautiful week!

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My Writing Inspiration Happens Best When I’m…

OUTSIDE!!!!!

As someone who writes quite a bit, it’s easy to endure writer’s block. Being plugged into technology 24/7 makes for a very frazzled Taryn. There are times where my brain is clogged with words like a backed-up drain in need of some snaking. Well, my mental Drain-O is the good ol’ outdoors. Continue reading “My Writing Inspiration Happens Best When I’m…”

15 Quotes to Soothe the Freelance Writer Soul

Being a freelance writer takes a brave soul. You have to find the courage within yourself to go out into the world as a writer come what may. It’s important to keep your thoughts and mental health in check. The journey is sometimes a rocky one, but for those who trek on the road less traveled, it’s worth the risk. Here are a few quotes to help you on your way. Continue reading “15 Quotes to Soothe the Freelance Writer Soul”

TBT to When My Dad Almost Put Me in a Mental Institution

Lounging in boy shorts has been a pastime of mine for some time now. For those of you who’ve been reading this blog, it’s no secret that pants and I have made a “conscientious uncoupling”.  As it turns out, my lack of enthusiasm for pants could be considered a genetic trait, if you will.

Rewind 8 years ago, (8 years?!!) to my senior year in high school, my life was good. Being the overachiever that I was, my last semester allowed me to take only 4 classes since I had already acquired 8 units of college courses through playing in several university orchestras and some math classes at the local JC (I got shit done back then). Since my plate was full, I opted to just go home everyday at lunch, hit the gym, take a nap (I discovered the gloriousness of naps),  and then go my rehearsals at UC Riverside in the evening. As I said, life was swell. I had a taste for independence and managed to pseudo-achieve it at 17 (or so I thought). My schedule rocked and I could not have been happier. That is, until one day, my dad had gotten sick and stayed home.

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Due to my modified schedule, and the fact that both my parents had careers, I was free to roam at home by myself most days. Kobe and I would have our afternoon nap post-gym and I went about the rest of my tasks for the day. One fine spring’s day, I came home as I would any other day, I came home to one of the most awkward situations since Robin Thicke’s pathetic attempt to get his wife back (yes, it was

I unlocked the door, and went through the kitchen only to find my dear ol’ Dad in the kitchen making a sandwich, naked as the day he was born. To add insult to injury, this dude was on the phone talking business! Our eyes met and he looked like a child getting caught trying to sneak some cookies from the jar. I’ll never forget the look on his face as long as I’ll live. Now fortunately for me, the good Lord intervened and saw to it that the cutting board had been pulled out so I would not be scarred for life.

After a quick nano-second, I roared,Dad!!! What the hell are you doing?!!!” Not even missing a beat, he replied, “I’m making a sandwich, what are you doing home?” (He was/is terrible with remembering details and schedules). I then reminded him that I only went to school for 4 periods and went on to say how creepy it is to make sandwiches in the nude while talking on the phone. To make matters even worse, the bay windows were open shining heaps of light.

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After the brief weird encounter, I grumbled off, got ready for the gym, and went about the rest of my day. To this day, my dad and I laugh about it, and thank God that the cutting board had been where it was, otherwise I would not be the girl behind this laptop you read about today. Had that event taken the unfortunate turn that it could’ve, I have no doubt that I would be in a room with padded walls, unable to cope with the real world. Welp, I guess my love of no pants had to come from somewhere. Who else has had an unfortunate encounter with a family member?

I’m Fine

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Hello world!

 

After a long unintended hiatus (again), I’m returning to write this post. If you’re wondering why my blog has been pretty much dead for awhile the answer is simply, I’ve been unhappy. Rather than write about how life has been kicking me in the metaphorical balls lately, I figured radio silence was the most appropriate course of action. As they say, if you can’t say something nice, and all that jazz. I’m still working through some stuff but I wanted to get some stuff of my chest, so here goes.

 

First and foremost, I want to junk-punch the moron who decided it was  socially appropriate to pretend that everything in life is fine when it totally isn’t. I mean really??! It sucks!

Imagine you are having a shitty day and one of your friends comes up to you in great spirits. What are you going to say when she asks about how you’re doing? “I’m fine” You could be going through some painful experience and rather than say you’re having a tough time, you lie. 

Why is it that we are so ashamed of being upset/unhappy, that we’d rather lie our asses off and pretend that life is all sunshine and daisies? Mental health is such a stigma in the U.S. it’s ridiculous. Hell, you could admit to being an adulterer and you’d be better received than if you were to admit that you are depressed. It’s funny really.

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Welp, let’s challenge the status quo. It starts with acceptance. It’s totally ok to have a bad day, week, month. Don’t be ashamed, understand that in life, there are hills and valleys and it’s not always going to be perfect.

  • Be understanding, if you know someone who seems to be out of sorts.
  • Be supportive, give them their space, but if they need an ear, be there for them.
  • Be respectful, when they do come to you, keep an open-mind and don’t treat them like they are a freak of nature.

Everyone gets down in the dumps from time to time. We’d all get along better if we actually were honest about our feelings. Right now, I’m not 100% fine and that’s ok. But soon I will be! 🙂