Taryn Sets Boundaries

Ok, so I know I still need to write about my birthday. However, I left my camera and I wanted to upload a photo for the post, so it’ll happen sometime soon! Anywho, I’ve recently made the unsettling discovery that I’m not always the best advocate for myself when it comes to respecting my time/boundaries. In fact, I can be a bit of a doormat both professionally and personally.

 

Fairy Godmother syndrome

I don’t know exactly when, but at some point, I made the choice to help other people with their goals, problems, dreams, etc. If you needed help with something, I was your girl! Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, I’d turn on my neurotic superpowers to make sure whatever you needed appeared as if all I had to do was wave a magic wand. Sure, that sounds like a nice character trait, however, I went way overboard, leaving very little in the tank when it came to taking care of myself.

 

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The first step is admission

Maybe focusing on other people’s stuff was easier than admitting that I was avoiding my own stuff, but, fortunately for me, I had a painful experience during a recent wedding where I had to be a maid of honor, forcing me to take a good hard look at how I prioritized myself and others in my life (One day, I’ll sit down and fully explain, but I’m letting some time go by for processing purposes). To summarize quickly, I had overlooked my own personal needs to uphold someone else’s unrealistic expectations. Like a hand backslapping you on a cold winter’s day, I was confronted with an unsettling truth: I turned myself into a doormat and I have myself to blame.

 

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Out with the old, in with the boundaries

I’ve learned how to assert the word “no” and it’s been glorious! At work, I’m refusing projects that are either too low in compensation or when the project is too demanding. I’m no longer answering emails that are outside of my working hours or arrangements I’ve made with clients. Long story short, I’m doubling down on my worth. I have noticed that it makes me less agreeable (something that I used to covet), but it has weeded out the emotional soul-sucking aspects of my professional life. Setting boundaries also helped me to discover that when I was dreading or avoiding something, it was actually my subconscious trying to let me know that my boundaries were being disrespected. Now, when my gut is telling me to abandon ship, I listen.

 

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Taryn’s got a brand new bag

I have to admit, asserting boundaries have been so helpful in my crazy little world. I’m learning to put myself first, hence my traipsing across the US. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that initially, this process felt very alien to me, but with a little practice, I’m improving over time! It is a work in progress, like a muscle I’m exercising to build endurance. Creatively, this opens me up to really hunker down and work on my projects. With that being said, I am enjoying the changes I’m making and am looking forward to the process, uncomfortable or not!

Best laid plans

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I’m not dead! Though two bouts of sinus infections would lead me to believe otherwise. So what have I been up to? Long story short, I’ve gotten sick, learned how to assert my boundaries– some relationships are better for it, others, well worse.

I’m going to be blunt. Life is awesome, yet tough, but in general, I’m in favor of it. I do my best to get along while being mindful of the needs of others. To date, I’ve spent a lot of time bending over backward to accommodate someone close to me and I am proud to say, I’m at wit’s end and I’ve decided to bow out and become a reduced character in that person’s life movie.

I don’t end/distance myself from loved ones easily. In fact, I typically go the long-suffering route, enduring infractions just to keep the peace. Quite frankly, I’m tired. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make a relationship work on my own.

So toxic relationships are lame, especially when you care about the person. My love for them doesn’t change. My willingness to accept their poor treatment/character does.

“The bestlaid plans of mice and men often go awry definition. No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it.” – Robert Burns

 

 

Taryn and the journey back to Satan’s Buttcrack

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Yep, you’ve read that correctly. I, Taryn, am moving back to Vegas! Early readers of this blog,  know that I loathed living in Las Vegas. I was always constantly dreaming and scheming of ways to move back to Cali. Last year, I did that! I even lived a 5 minute’s walk from the beach. It wasn’t a bad setup, really. So why, on earth would I want move to the place I complained oh so much about? Well…

Vegas wasn’t my enemy…

…rather my mindset was. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that chasing ghosts will literally get you nowhere. I also had to come to terms with that, even though unpleasant things happen (crappy job, new environment, etc.) it’s not necessarily the place that’s to blame. Recently, I had an epiphany that made me reevaluate how I looked at Vegas. I thought to myself “If I didn’t experience unpleasant circumstances, would I actually hate Las Vegas?” That answer was a resounding “no”.

Friends and Family

Last year, my mom took a job within that relocated her to Germany (more on this later). I was super stoked for her, but that meant that my parents would no longer be in California. My dad stayed back for a year to help with the transition. But as of a few weeks, all of my immediate family will either be in Germany or in Vegas. Since I’m big on family, and I have 7 niece and nephews ( I’ll explain more later), it’s high time I got back. In addition, I made some awesome friendships in Vegas, that I didn’t realize that I’d miss dearly until I left. It’s funny, sometimes what you’re looking for happens to be right smack in front of you, you just didn’t realize it.

I like Vegas

This is probably one of the harder things to admit. I took so many perks and luxuries for granted. I didn’t realize this until I move away, but man, Vegas has some neat advantages:

  • For starters, it’s wayyyyyy more affordable compared to literally anywhere in California.
  • 24 hours Starbucks (Need I say more?)
  • Mccarran Airport: it’s super easy and cheaper to fly anywhere out of Vegas
  • I also loved going to Red Rock and Mt. Charleston.
  • Live music and entertainment (Sooooo convenient)
  • No fleas!!! (Abbey was struggling in Long Beach with those pesky things)
  • I love the desert (that took me by surprise, haha)

On to the next grand adventure

So in the next few weeks, I’ll be leaving Monterey to move back to Satan’s Buttcrack! I’ll admit, the summers will be hot, but what I’m getting in return, outweighs that significantly. I’m so stoked for the move and can’t wait to see what’s in store. 🙂

My Time in Exile

You should all go and listen to Third Eye Blind. Ok, that’s all I had to say.

Just Kidding!

But seriously, they are legit. Anyway, I’ve been terrible (not a surprise) at chronicling my bum adventures. I’m currently heading into week 5 of my bummage. There have been a lot of twists and turns, ups and downs, and all of the in between. There are a few reasons as to why I’ve been away. First and foremost, I’ve actually began to have a semblance of a life! Secondly, the first two-ish weeks were spent with me having panic attacks (more on that later). Thirdly, honestly I didn’t know how/what to say about it. But now I’m back! With a bunch of words that will be construed into sentences. I can’t guarantee they’ll make sense, but here goes.

So previously I’ve written about the difficulties of making friends and that I had intended to go downtown a while back. Well, I’ve hit those marks, and quite well I may add. Long story short, I’ve met some ladies around my age and have actually been meeting up with them on the regular. Yes, that means I’ve been putting on pants (begrudgingly), leaving the comfort of my bed and pup, and have been thriving in the “real world”. Granted, I’ve had to be waaaayyyy more conservative on the spending do to my bum status, but nevertheless, I haven’t been happier. Well, it hasn’t been all fun and games.

The first two weeks, in between making friends and all that jazz, I was a total spazz. You see, I’ve always done the “practical” thing. Go to school, maintain a job, know exactly what you’re doing at all times, etc etc etc. Bottom line my motto was “YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN!!!! ALWAYS!!!!! I cannot emphasize to you how firmly that belief was embedded into my core being. So for someone as uptight and neurotic as I am (or was/is?? who knows, lol) doing what I did was no easy feat, and it had psychological ramifications that then manifested into physiological ones known as wonderful panic attacks. I was so stressed, the unknown (at least for me) is such a scary scary place. Just to give you a clearer picture, I am so predictable that back when I was 19 I created a weekly event with my friend call Spontaneous Tuesdays (the irony is not lost on me). Theoretically, Tuesdays were supposed to have spontaneity and intrigue but in actuality we would end up at the same place, doing the same thing, and I even parked in the same area. So folks, my parents should have named me Predictable Pam. Anyway I digress from my point. The transition was a tough one and honestly I wasn’t enjoying it until my sister pointed out some apparent (not so apparent to me) arguments as to why I needed to chill the eff out.

I was on my way to Target and she could tell that I was stressing, so she looks at me and says “Dude, you have no reason to be stressed out. You’re not homeless, you’re not broke, and you literally have no major obligations. So chill out and stop finding problems when there are none.” I was getting ready to counter, but then I realized that she was absolutely right! The tightening pain I felt in my chest disappeared as quickly as it had come. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “I’m free, to do absolutely whatever it is that I desire. This is not an exile, this is a chance for me to enjoy being me!” So, I’ve been doing just that. I even have gone out of my comfort zone and have done some pretty cool things that are very unlike myself (more on that later).

Believe it or not, I am slowly, but surely growing quite comfortable with the unknown. After my little revelation (with the help of my sister), I chilled out and life is good. Not only have I made friends, having this free time has forced me to really develop my interpersonal skills on a personal level. Professionally, I’m great at communication and forging relationships (money talks). Personally… I have to some work to do. I suppose I’ve always been able to hide this (well, at least from myself) because I’ve been buried in work for so long. I’ve even changed my exercise and eating regimens (more on that later). All in all, this time to develop myself is exactly what I needed. I have grown exponentially this past month and I’m looking forward to seeing how else I progress! Don’t worry, I’ll be posting more funny stuff soon. Lord knows I’ve been on enough adventures in the past few weeks, so stay tuned!

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Growing Up is Hard to Do

Maintaining relationships be it familial, friendly, or love related, is tough business! You have to be able to check your egos at the door and really put some effort into it if you want them to succeed. I will admit that I have a pretty big ego; after all if your peers keep telling you “how mature” you are, chances are you’ll start believing the hype. You can kind of say that I became the Justin Bieber of maturity (I.E. so high off my own hype that I act like I’m 5). On a side note, can you really blame the kid? A society that pretty much made him a deity before his balls dropped, and now we have the audacity to point and say he’s entitled? I guess everyone thought that through… Anyway back to my ridiculousness.

Today, I’ve learned that I need to dig deep and go to uncomfortable places to learn and grow among people. Far too quickly, I tend to cut people off and move on before the nitty gritty substance of how humans sustain meaningful connections come into play. The lesson that I learned today is that though I thought I was the epitome of awesomeness at communication and how things are supposed to be worked out, I still have some work to do. Therein lies the problem when one (in this case I) believes that they have learned all there is to know on what makes coexisting with others harmonious. Living/existing with others takes work and the ability to keep growing through experiences. The takeaway is that we never stop learning. The moment we think we know it all is the day we’re not evolving within our relationships. Stay inquisitive, my friends!

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I Forgot My Phone

Here is a short video by Charlene deGuzman about smart phones. I was blown away by how profound it is. I think we as a society are so invested in capturing “the moment” that we fail to enjoy it while we’re living it. We then look back at pictures and video clips with pangs of nostalgia never having fully experienced that reality. And we wonder why we can’t connect with people anymore. I for one am going to get off my phone and talk to the person next time me more often. Life is too short to be glued to a phone.