Taryn sees red

I always try to have a positive/funny vibe when I write, but today I’m going to keep it real and try a little rage/humor.

 

 

Royally Pissed

 

 

Guys, I’m a rage monster today. 

I’m a cranky, annoyed, frustrated, grumpy Taryn right now. I’m seeing red and wanting to do something about it. I’m kick-a-bunny angry.  Trip-a-kid angry. Punch-an-old-person angry. Yeah, I’m a hot mess. The funny part? On the outside, I look like:

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But on the inside, I’m like this:

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WARNING: Actual sighting of Taryn. Beware

 

Here’s a quick rundown for my anger (in no particular order):

  • Bank of America and their shady savings account fees
  • Clients that aren’t on the same page internally and are giving contradictory feedback, wasting my time
  • Having to walk on eggshells because a person whom I’m stuck spending the next few days with changes her mood every nanosecond (technically this is my fault. I booked a hotel and then canceled. Idiot)
  • Las Vegas drivers
  • Feeling creatively stagnant (not for long!!!)

 

The Upside to Anger

There is a beauty to my rage-ness. Anger tells me that I’m feeling! As someone who typically struggles with identifying how I feel, this is a positive. I’m also able to identify why I’m angry. Anger also confirms why I left Vegas in the first place and why I have to keep going, in spite of being uncomfortable with entering unchartered territory. Anyway, I’m less angry now. I’d say I’m more in the range of ambivalent/annoyed with a side of hopeful. Who knew that writing was more beneficial than alcohol?!

 

Well, hopefully, you enjoyed my little rant. I will be posting about my travels in the next few days. In the last 3 months, Abbey and I have been to 9 states! It’s been a blast, but I will be taking a quick break in Oregon for a few months. Traveling is a blast, but honestly, I need a quick chill pill to keep on keeping on with my journey. Until next time!

 

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Waves of Change

I hate change– in all forms. Think about it, pennies and nickels are a nuisance. If I counted all of the change that is hiding around my room, I’d probably make a dent in my student loans. On that note, I must sign off to scour my apartment for loose change. Just kidding… 😉 Continue reading “Waves of Change”

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

If being a worrywart were a profession, I’d be the CEO. Honestly, I can’t seem to function unless I’m thinking of some impossibly unforeseeable tragedy that is potentially looming around the corner. Right now, as it stands, I should be super duper happy and excited about life. I am, really, but also my psychotic brain is telling me “dude, don’t get too excited, Mt. Everest could come crumbling down on someone you love”. Ok that is a minor exaggeration but seriously, I’m a waiting for the shoe to drop kind of girl. I don’t mean to be but it is what it is.

I wasn’t always this nuts, I swear. I was actually a pretty happy-go-lucky type person until what I like to call the “2008 debacle” occurred. At 18, I suddenly lost both my maternal grandparents within 6 months of each other, my parents were going through a financial crisis, and going to school in LA was taking its toll on me. So what’s a girl to do when her pretty sweet life is turned all the way upside down? The answer simply, is to just shut down. I mean turn your feelings off, live like a robot, and just exist, shut down. I spent the next few years just going through the motions and surviving instead of fully enjoying my life. Also food become my BFF, well carbs/sweets/ etc., that is.

It wasn’t until my mom found me in the laundry room with a Dutch apple pie (the best pie in the world I might add), watching The O.C. on my laptop at 5 in the morning that my parents decided I was going to go to therapy. I’ll admit my first go with it, I wasn’t in the sharing mood, but it did slightly give me a wake up call as to the fact that I wasn’t being myself. To be completely honest, it took me about 2 years to kind of start waking up from my gray life that I’d grown accustomed to. 6 years after the fact, I can proudly say I’m “seeing in color” once again. However, anxiety is still a close friend of mine.

After leaving corporate slavery and doing my own thing, I cannot think of a better transition for me. I absolutely am enjoying where I’m at in this point in time. My issue is that from time to time, I get nervous about being happy, because the last time I was truly content, my world came crashing down. So how does one go back out into the world knowing that bad things can happen at anytime? Well according to my parents, you do it one day at a time, which is some pretty sound advice. I can’t live according to the fear of things that might happen. Furthermore even if bad things do happen, me worrying about it is not going to change the outcome. So I’m choosing to try and take the good with the bad. Life is a tragically beautiful thing, so it is important to cherish the moments that you have. Ok, now that my neurosis has subsided for the moment, I probably should get back to writing some articles. Who knew that being a freelance writer meant that you actually have to do work? 😉

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Congratulations! You are Normal

It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing.  The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!

Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”.  I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!

So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.

 

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